Tag Archives: funny

The Spirit of the Holidays – Conversations with My Six-Year-Old

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spirit

The holiday season is in full swing and the spirit of the year can be found all around us. Everywhere I turn I see beautiful wreaths hung with red ribbon, trees twinkling in the night, and smiles on the faces of strangers. I absolutely adore the generosity and purity that flows within us this time of year. I sincerely hope my children will learn and understand the importance of giving to others. I pray that I  teach them to hold dear their loved ones and to cherish their friendships, their health, and their opportunities in life.

After a few recent conversations with my six-year-old Ella, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the magic and innocence of childhood. That, and the fact that she made me laugh, a lot.

The Spirit of Remembrance:

Ella: Mom, I need the binoculars.

Me: For what?

Ella: So I can go outside and look for Great Grandma Nonny in the sky.

Me: Okay, but it’s kind of cloudy out so you might not see her.

Ella: Oh. Oh well then maybe I can see a bird poop while it’s flying.

The Spirit of Knowing Who’s Boss:

Me: Ella, you forgot to make your bed this morning.

Ella: I know mom. It’s just that I have coat room clean-up at school this week.

Me: Well that’s no excuse for not helping out at home.

Ella: Mrs. M said that coat room was my only chore for the week.

Me: At school, not at home.

Ella: Oh yeah. And she is bigger and older than you. And she wears red lipstick.

Me: So.

Ella: Exactly.

The Spirit of Conversation:

Me: Ella, what do you want Santa to bring you this year?

Ella: A canopy.

Ethen (my four-year-old): A can of what?

Ella: A canopy.

Ethen: A can of PEE? <giggle>

Me: No potty talk. <Snort>

The Spirit of Supporting Our Troops:

Ella: I want to join the army.

Me: When did you decide that?

Ella: When I saw how much stuff they had there.

Me: What are you talking about?

Ella: At that place where they have tons of stuff. I really want to join there.

Me: Are you talking about the Salvation Army?

Ella: Yep. That’s it. Can I join?

The Spirit of Friendship:

Ella: Who is ‘Tot’ and where does she live?

Me: What? Who?

Ella: You know, that girl named Tot. I heard she gets tons of toys.

Me: You mean Toys for Tots?

Ella: Yes. Can you call her mom for a play date?

The Spirit of Health:

Ella: Mom, can we do yoga together?

Me: Sure.

Ella: Okay, just bend over and I’ll climb up on your back.

Me: Ummmm. What yoga pose is that?

Ella: The one where you carry me around the house until your legs fall off.

Me: Uhh.

Ella: Come on, it will be good for you.

why God made moms

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This was forwarded to me by a great friend (thanks Lauren!) and it was too funny not to share.  Enjoy!  ♥ Lisa

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1.  She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2.  Mostly to clean the house.
3.  To help us out of there when we were getting born.


How did God make mothers?
1.  He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2.  Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3.  God made my mom just the same like he made me.  He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1.  God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2.  They had to get their start from men’s bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think.


Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1.  We’re related.
2.  God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.


What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1.  My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2.  I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3.  They say she used to be nice.


What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1.  His last name.
2.  She had to know his background.  Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?
3.  Does he make at least $800 a year?  Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?


Why did your mom marry your dad?
1.  My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.  And my mom eats a lot.
2.  She got too old to do anything else with him.
3.  My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.


Who’s the boss at your house?
1.  Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2.  Mom.  You can tell by room inspection.  She sees the stuff under the bed.
3.  I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.


What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1..  Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2.  Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them..
3.  Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4.  Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.


What does your mom do in her spare time?
1.  Mothers don’t do spare time.
2.  To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.


What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1.  On the inside she’s already perfect.  Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2.  Diet.  You know, her hair.  I’d diet, maybe blue.


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1.  She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I’d get rid of that.
2.  I’d make my mom smarter.  Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3.  I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

(unknown source)

rain rain on my parade

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I don’t know what’s been going on with me today, but I am in this constant state of annoyance.  I’ve been trying to OM it away, but it keeps coming back.  I think it’s because my kids have been especially “needy” this week.  I’m talking all out, every second, minute, hour-

“Mommy, I don’t want to eat I want to play.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“No wait, yes I am hungry.”

“I don’t want that for lunch.”

“I want pickles.”

“Can you cut them?”

“EEEWWWW, nevermind. I don’t want pickles.”

“I have to go peeeeee.  I have to go peeeee!!”

“No I don’t, it’s number two.”

“I need a book.”

“Mommmmeeeeeeeee…..I’M DONE!”

“Can you wipe me?”

All the while I’m singing the Smurf’s anthem and trying to maintain my sanity.  La la la la la la-la la la la laaaaa…  Yep, that’s right – the smurfs to maintain sanity.  Have you ever even heard?  I might as well just put my head in the oven and call it a day.  No wait – a glass of red, I wanna wake up tomorrow.

There.  I feel better.  So glad it’s Saturday.

Owning and OM’ing my way through motherhood one day at a time.

Thank god daddy’s home.

lisa